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From:miss_terri_girl
Date:June 27th, 2009 12:58 am (UTC)
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I identify so much with a lot of what you've said. You probably know that because we've spoken about it in the past. For my part, I'm leaving because Canberra has no possibility for me, and the absence of possibility carries with it a sense of hopelessness that I can't bear. I like Canberra and don't rule out coming back, but the things that would keep me here can not, even in combination, outweigh the reasons that I have for leaving.

Change is big and scary, and I know people (especially my family) who question whether making such a big change is a good dcision right now. What they're misunderstanding is that things staying as they are is what will be the end of me. Leaving does not put me on a collision course with disaster. It puts me on the path towards the rest of my life. My life in Canberra is over, for now. I hope the people who are worried about my stability will eventually come to understand that.

/essay
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From:ladyfirebrand
Date:June 27th, 2009 03:40 am (UTC)
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Terri, Nemo told me(i hope that is ok) and I am happy that you are making a decision for your own peace of mind and moving forward, and true friends are always there (myself included:))

Nemo, Also i am happy you did this and it was the right thing..but i miss you:P But i am glad you are finding shiny happiness:)
From:miss_terri_girl
Date:June 27th, 2009 10:41 am (UTC)
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Once upon a time, Nemo called me and said, "Manda thinks you should know that she knows a thing she maybe should not know and also how she knows it." And I said, "The person who told her this thing is only saved by the fact that said person has managed to tell the only person I haven't told myself who I trust implicitly to know how to treat that information."

So, yes, it's totally okay that Nemo told you :)

And I know that I won't really be leaving anyone behind ... the fact that Nemo is, like, forever away and I can still have silly punning competitions with him is testament to that!

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From:vegetus
Date:June 27th, 2009 08:25 am (UTC)
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Change is big and scary

If that's what you believe you'll never really appreciate life or the rainbow of experiences that it offers.
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From:subtle_eye
Date:June 27th, 2009 10:27 am (UTC)
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If you go through life being bitchy and bullying people to hide your insecurities you'll never really appreciate life or the rainbow of experiences that it offers either.

So what's the weather like up there on your soapbox anyway?
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From:colormonochrome
Date:June 27th, 2009 10:55 am (UTC)
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boo, you whore. ;)
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From:vegetus
Date:June 27th, 2009 11:57 am (UTC)
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Oh bite me... and how is my comment bitching and bullying. Given the effort Terri and others made to destroy my relationship and friendship with Nem and others I think you're asking the wrong person that question.
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From:subtle_eye
Date:June 27th, 2009 12:23 pm (UTC)
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Care for some victim-sauce to go with that whine of yours?

Free tip: Just because you feel persecuted doesn't actually mean they're all out to get you.

Your behavior is loud, obnoxious, frequently abusive and in this case uncalled for. Given the past history
between you and Terri, it's hard to see your comment as anything other than harassment and snideness.

You may call your attitude toward life enthusiastic activism or relentless optimism or whatever you like.
Here, we call it rudeness and lack of manners. Go learn some.
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From:vegetus
Date:June 27th, 2009 12:44 pm (UTC)
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I don't think anyone is out to get me, perhaps you should maybe question why you were so aggressive in the first place.

You accused me of bullying when all I did was offer a different point of view (which wasn't aggressive). If you had actually asked for more information or even been polite in your comment I would have happily gotten into discussion with you as I have done below and above.

It was your comment that was full of accusations and was rude and aggressive - perhaps it is you who is paranoid? If you look back to your comments towards me they are alot more negative and aggressive than mine were to begin with.

And quite frankly if people are going to be rude and bad mannered towards me I'll do the same to them.
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From:arthwollipot
Date:June 27th, 2009 12:55 pm (UTC)
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The fact that you did not see your comment as rude and insensitive doesn't mean that it wasn't.
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From:subtle_eye
Date:June 27th, 2009 01:06 pm (UTC)
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Given the effort Terri and others made to destroy my relationship and friendship with Nem and others
Given the way I watched alot of people turn on Nemo a few years ago
I don't think anyone is out to get me

One of these phrases is not like the others.

I accused you of bullying because there is no context of civility between you and Terri in which your comment can be considered. Ergo, it is an attempt to vilify, impugn and belittle. I was aggressive because that is how you stop a bully, they're so caught up in the bullshit inside their heads that they do not respond to logic.

And while we're talking about the voices inside your head, I never stated you were paranoid. That was arthwollipot. I know all us vile peoples out here persecuting you look and sound the same, but do try to keep up.
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From:arthwollipot
Date:June 27th, 2009 12:26 pm (UTC)
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Wow - paranoid much?
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From:vegetus
Date:June 27th, 2009 12:44 pm (UTC)
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Not particularly- you?
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From:arthwollipot
Date:June 27th, 2009 01:04 pm (UTC)
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Just very concerned that you are attributing motives that aren't there. You really think that Terri and others tried to "destroy" your relationship with Nemo? Seriously? Be honest with yourself - would Terri do anything that might hurt Nemo? Do you really think that's the kind of thing that she would do?

If you do, then I would suggest that you seriously do not know her. Not at all.

Your reactions here are indistinguishable from those from a desparately insecure person - one who believes that any contact someone has with an ex is a direct threat to your relationship with that person. Is this really a rational point of view?

Yours was not an offhand comment, and Terri (and others) clearly did not appreciate it. Are you honest enough to take responsibility for your fault and apologise?
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From:colormonochrome
Date:June 27th, 2009 10:57 am (UTC)
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you missed the left turn on the way to the point, i think.

change being big and scary isn't always a bad thing. but anyone that thinks change is never big and scary clearly needs to leave their rose coloured glasses at home and stop being a metaphorical fashion victim.
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From:vegetus
Date:June 27th, 2009 12:02 pm (UTC)
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I've seen lots of people be too afraid of change and growth to the point that they have lost job options, friends etc and have ended up sitting in a rut that made them unhappy or worse tried to drag people that they called friends into a similar rut because the idea of being without them was too much change they couldn't handle.

When people see change as being scary that it stops them from living their life to the full or worse impacts negatively on the lives of others then that *is* a bad thing. I hope you can see where I'm coming from on this.
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From:arthwollipot
Date:June 27th, 2009 12:18 pm (UTC)
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And exactly where was it implied that anyone saw change as being so scary that it stopped them from living their life to the full, or that it impacted negatively on the lives of others?

I think you're reading into this a lot more than is actually there. And you're providing opinions that really do not actually relate to the situation.
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From:vegetus
Date:June 27th, 2009 12:32 pm (UTC)
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The comments about family/friends wondering if making changes was appropriate for a start can increase the whole "change is a big negative" outlook. Also the wording "scary" is a negative, it could be worded in a positive way (eg exciting, a good challenge) if that's what is meant.

Given the way I watched alot of people turn on Nemo a few years ago when he was changing things in his life, I'll admit I do have a perception that alot of people here are against change. The OP also mentions things like status quo and social inertia which of course resist change.
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From:arthwollipot
Date:June 27th, 2009 12:40 pm (UTC)
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Did it ever occur to you that your perception might be wrong?
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From:vegetus
Date:June 27th, 2009 12:48 pm (UTC)
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Did you read my first paragraph and my last sentence? I give reasons why I have no reason to think things have changed too much, at least in the context of the information presented to me in lj. I know from other conversations I've had with CBR based people (not just Nem) that some change has occurred and this is a Good Thing.
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From:arthwollipot
Date:June 27th, 2009 01:05 pm (UTC)
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Did it ever occur to you that your reasons may be faulty?
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From:colormonochrome
Date:June 27th, 2009 01:16 pm (UTC)
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scary doesn't always mean bad. take skydiving for example, frakking scary for lots of people, yet they do it despite that because it's thrilling, and being fearful of it is the whole point.

i'm moving interstate very soon myself, and i do see it as scary, and that's one of the best bits. scary, exciting, fun, different, etc etc. all good things and reasons to move in my book.

i just think you took terri's comment way out of context because i don't think she was implying anything like what you've suggested. big + scary = not always bad.
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